Our Trip to the Travel Nurse

Let’s just say our day didn’t go so well.  I had been forewarned and in turn I informed the kids that today shots were to occur.  Everybody knew.  We had discussed it for weeks.  I had gone over everything.  No whining, no fussing, no throwing fits.  We are 8 and 10 not 3 and 5.  We discussed how shots hurt for the first second and then all is well.  We talked about the importance of them and that they are to keep us healthy.  We discussed that we are fortunate because we have access to good medical care and were able to receive vaccinations.  I even went so far as to discuss the small room in which we would be receiving our shots.  Really, I thought I had covered all my bases.

As it turns out, not so much.

All begins well.  We arrive, hang out in the waiting room.  Kids start playing musical chairs.  Mommy pulls the bad mommy card and while not loving it intentionally lets it slide in hushed tones as to keep the kiddos preoccupied.  Travel Nurse comes out with a big grin and after a “ready for the big trip?” Ushers us back.  Still, all is well.

Then it turns – and when it does, it does so quickly.

Travel Nurse starts asking the kids where we’re traveling.  They mention stops one, two, three.  (all in Europe – no shots needed).  So I interject with stops 5, 8, 9, 10…  The ones where we need the big ones.  She proceeds with an “Ahhh, yes.”  “Hmmm, well, I guess I didn’t realize we had so much today…” as I’m thinking “Lovely, this is going to go really well.”  She proceeds to let us know we could get typhoid shots today but not Rabies and Japanese Encephalitis since those both require multiple visits and since we leave in 2 weeks, it’s really not going to work.

At this point Liam is appropriately distracted by the revolving pictures on the photo frame and has just honed in on an intriguing duck type creature with electric blue feet. Kaitlyn’s panic has reached an all time high and she starts screaming “no Mommy, I’m not going to.  I don’t have to.” which incites Avery’s mounting unease that causes tears to spring from her eyes.  All while I’m commenting in a more frenetic, louder with each word voice, “KK, yes, you are.  It’s not an option,” “don’t worry Aves it really won’t hurt,” and “look Buddy, it’s a blue-footed booby!’ – in the hopes (but failure) of distracting us all.

So we do this for 10 minutes.  And when I say 10 I mean an entire ten minutes.  At least.  Until we’re told “Well, there actually is a choice…”  WHAT?!?  “There are pills – but they aren’t so easy to deal with.  You have to take them on a schedule, without food, not every day but every other and you have to drink extreme amounts of water with it.”  REALLY?!?  You’re telling us this NOW?!?  Of course, Kaitlyn leaps for the opportunity and is sure this is the way to go.  Liam on the other hand puffs out his almost unpuffable chest and declares it’s shots for him and he’s going first!  And Avery, she’s just willing to do whatever but just needs it to occur quickly so she can get through it all.  And through it all I’m thinking “Great.  Another schedule to keep track of as I’m trying to pack, get a house ready, make a years worth of plans in the next two weeks – yeah, really not going to happen.  Someone’s going to wake up, forget to take the medicine, eat and then we’re back at square one.

Shots please.

Travel Nurse recommends shots.  Mommy plus two agree.  Mommy wishes she didn’t ask about additional options and Kaitlyn, well, Kaitlyn bursts into tears…not just any tears but again the screaming, freaking out, I’m about to die tears of a three year old whose mommy just took away her cookies (keep in mind however that Kaitlyn is 10).  Travel nurse scolds Kaitlyn, let’s her know I’m doing the right thing, protecting her health, all children need to support their parents, perhaps Mommy shouldn’t be taking Kailtyn traveling, …   Kaitlyn again bursts into tears declaring Travel Nurse mean, Avery sits shell-shocked that another adult is telling them what to do and Liam’s watching the photos and subtly asking if it’s Japan in the picture (it’s Peru).  Kaitlyn starts sobbing “she’s so rude, Mommy!” and I’m thinking, “Can you just stick us with the needles and let us go home?” So, with a subtle “Let’s just move on” Travel Nurse leaves to go get the shots.  Kaitlyn, in a state of “I’ve just been reprimanded by Travel Nurse” shock just has tears rolling down her face but is no longer screaming.  Avery declares it’s just time to do it and she’s going first.  And as one can guess, this was all we needed to begin the rivalry.  We now have three kids fighting on who gets the first jab.  Absurd!

Meanwhile…

Travel Nurse returns to inform us there is only one dose.  WHAT?!?!  and “who gets it?”  I’m thinking Liam.  He volunteers and I tell him I’ll leave him with a playdate when the rest of us come back.  At the same time Travel Nurse exclaims “Kaitlyn” who now agrees because of said playdate,  and Avery’s just willing to go with the flow – yet kind of thinking she thinks the playdate thing is unfair because she was also willing to get the jab but only slightly says anything because she can tell that Mommy is about to lose her marbles.  ALL OF THEM!  While this is all ensuing, Travel Nurse is on the phone, reaming the person who didn’t ensure the typhoid inoculation delivery when she decides to take matters into her own hands.  All of a sudden, up she gets and away she goes.

Five minutes later

Travel Nurse arrives.  Cooler in hand and a look of pure accomplishment on her face.  THEY HAVE ARRIVED and we’ve just tortured all of you for nothing.  Away she goes again to prepare the concoction.  Kaitlyn is going to the bathroom when Travel Nurse comes back in the room.  Travel Nurse quickly jabs Liam who declares “Easy!  Doesn’t hurt a bit, I’ll have another!” Then jabs Avery who also isn’t fussed.

Then Kaitlyn walks back in the room

or tries to.  Attempting to head off another problem Travel Nurse proceeds to semi close the door and asks Kaitlyn to wait in the hall while she jabs Mommy.  In her fragile but trying to be brave state, Kaitlyn once again bursts into tears, screaming, manhandles her way past Travel Nurse and into the closet sized room that the five us us have been sandwiched into for going on an hour and 35 minutes.  While I deal with the histrionics I motion for Liam and Avery to please wait in the waiting room because Mommy really is about to lose those marbles and just needs fewer people around.  Travel Nurse prepares the next shot as I explain to Kaitlyn that she needs to be still and does my 4’7 child want to sit on my lap or on her own stool?  She chooses Mommy’s lap but proceeds to sink, sobbing onto the floor in utter fear that this might just kill her and she must save herself kind of way.  Meanwhile, through all this Travel Nurse declares it’s my turn.  Now in all this I kind of forgot

I too, really hate shots.

Not in the sink on the floor, I’m trying to save myself way of my daughter that had just been declared a mini-me 2 hours earlier by said Travel Nurse, but in the Ouchieee mama, please don’t stick me with that, let me scrunch up my face and look away kind of way….  So, deep breath,look away and try to be brave in front of my freaking out daughter, I too receive the jab.  As we all know, no big deal.

So, Kaitlyn…  Finally, she succumbed, received the jab and declared “I just don’t want to get some of the disease in me.”  (Thank you third grade teacher who had just had her complete a research report on Jonas Salk where of course she learned that he made the inoculation from the disease itself.”  So, all this because she didn’t want to get typhoid.  Clearly, Mommy didn’t cover all her bases.

The good news…no typhoid for us.  The bad news…

We have 5 shots left over 3 separate appointments – all in a foreign country.  Stay tuned.

 

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